:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
