You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
