I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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