Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
