Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
