mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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