I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
