I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
