i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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