We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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