see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I said "one day" and that day is not today
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
