You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
