I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
