I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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