Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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