Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
