I cannot find my penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
