Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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