This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
