I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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