make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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