swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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