im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
