Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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