Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
