Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
