quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
