She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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