i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
