i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
