WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
