is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
