That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
