This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
