Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
