you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
