"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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