singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
