I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
