If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
