She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
