Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
