Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
