the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
