I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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