Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
