Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
