I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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