Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
