Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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