the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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