i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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