well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
