Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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