No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
