3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
