I just saw a hot homeless man
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
