Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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