wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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