My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
